In Praise of Farts

Nervously you look around, you hope you are alone
Your colon is reminding you that you are in the zone
Perhaps a chance to ease the load
You sneak one out, then cross the road.

The people here are thick and fast, you wanted solitude
You clench your buttocks and your teeth, not wanting to seem rude
Mayhaps a quick one, just for laughs
You let one go, away it wafts.

You waddle in, the shop is packed. Your body now with pain is wracked
Your stomach gurgles fit to blow. Towards the cubicles you go.
Alas they are all occupied
You waddle off and go outside.

Your eyeballs bulge, you can’t go on, until this flatulence is gone
You cross the street towards a church, and through the saintly portals lurch
You walk the aisle like Donald Duck. Quite frankly you don’t give a fuck
You let one go, Christ! What a sound, from wall to wall the noise rebounds.

You look into the vicar’s face, he doesn’t  seem amused
It’s obvious that he considers sanctity has been abused
You smile so sweetly, then for fun, you force another trump
The man of God crossing himself, collapses with a bump.

The sun is shining as you leave the church’s tainted air
You smile contented  at the sky and offer up a prayer
A moving prayer, straight from the heart

God bless and praise the humble fart!